well. it's been a little over three months since i was discharged from the partial hospital program. i had been doing volunteer work off and on at Mercy Hospital and also at the DuSable Museum. but now, i dont know...i feel numb. maybe it's because my pdoc increased my Zoloft dosage from 100 mg to 150.....i dunno. usually my days start with getting up and smoking a cigarette, and then sitting at this computer for hours either playing computer games or just surfing the 'Net.
truthfully i dont know what to really do with my days....sometimes i have energy to burn, some times i dont. and i feel like i'm going back into seclusion to the point where i dont want to come out of the house unless absolutely necessary. i volunteered at the museum a total of three times, and the volunteer manager lady called me today and asked if i was available for some events taking place over the weekend -- tonight and tomorrow night. i told her no for tonight -- that i wasnt feeling well and that i would have to give tomorrow a lot of thought. i already know i'm not gonna go because my period came and has been giving me hell and truthfully i'm not in the mood to be around a lot of people. i just prefer the safety of my dirty little apartment, cocoooned away from the rest of the world. last sunday the temperature hit 102 degrees and i did not come out of the house until nightfall to go buy a pack of smokes and even then it was warm and muggy out. now i hear next week is gonna go back up to the 90s ----fuck!
i took my nighttime meds three hours ago and for the life of me i dont want to lie down but my body keeps telling me to do it. when i start twitching around in this chair then that's my cue.
oh well. i'm in remission now.....for how long? i have no clue.
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