hi everybody. Bloggus Interruptus is a-lurking, so if you dont see any posts you'll know why. i'm waayyyy behind on this damn cable bill, as well as my cell bill and if the cell gets cut off, so be it. my checking account is ugly overdrawn because i've had to um, write a few "floaters" to try and keep my head above water, and those fees add up. but it's nobody's fault but mine. i wish i had at least $500 to dump in the account to erase those overdrafts but i cant pull it out of the sky, so i'm hoping for a miracle.*sigh* anyway, i'm a little down in the spirit today, and nearly dreading the third of next month because my direct deposit is gonna eat the overdrafts.i brought this crap on myself, so i deserve to suffer the consequences.
Happy Father's Day to all dads and single moms who are holdin' it down for your children. though my beloved Dad is in Heaven with my mother, i will always love both of them til my dyin day.also today marks the 19th anniversary of when my Mama died, but i think i'm going to be okay today. the bottom line is that i loved both my parents and if it had not been for them, i wouldnt be here with you guys. so instead of being sad on this day, i rejoice because God gave me two parents who gave me love in their own special way, raised me to be the person i am, despite my faults and shortcomings, and kept me from the negative influences of the outside world as i grew up. i thank God for both of my parents, and, as i previously stated, i miss them very much, but i know that they are in the loving arms of the Creator, and that they are free from the illnesses that they suffered while here on Earth, and that they are back together again in Heaven.so once again, to those dads out there and single moms - Happy Father's Day.peace, blessings, strength, and much love to you all.
this weekend is Father's Day, and i am fighting with everything within me to not fall apart. also on this day, 19 years ago, i lost my mother. so i'm trying my best to not cry, like i did last year, when i went to pieces, because my dad had just died 3 months prior. i think about the times when i was a little girl and how my dad would sometimes take me to work with him, and i would play on the typewriters pretending to be a secretary. i remember going to him for a pair of shoes my mama wouldn't buy for me, and how he'd bring me my favorite ice cream, chocolate, and sometimes take me to the park where the swings were, and give me a big ole push where i felt like i was flying. was i a daddy's girl? yes, i was. i wanted to go everywhere Daddy went, and would sometimes cry when he'd leave for work. i think Mama was a tad jealous that i always wanted to be with Daddy, but that's how it was.as i got older, Daddy and i became kinda distant. i dont know what happened, but it seemed once i hit puberty, me and Daddy and Mama were like strangers in the house together. i would go in my room, Mama would sleep on the couch, and when Daddy would come home, he'd go to the other bedroom. and that's the way it was for a long time.as i began to show signs of womanhood (breasts and hips) Mama would make me cover myself up in my robe. i wasnt allowed to wear anything that would emphasize my developing body (we were Muslims, so go figure). there were times when Daddy would come in my room and ask me how i was doing in school, and i would tell him. but, for the most part, Daddy would sometimes work into the early morning hours at the newspaper plant, to make sure the paper got out on time. anyways, to make a long story short, i still loved and respected my father. when he got angry with me, and whupped my ass, i remember him saying "i'm going to give you something to remember" and at 47 years of age, i aint forgotten them whuppin's. when i got pregnant at 19, i thought for sure my father was gonna kill me, because Mama already had told me that she was, but surprisingly enough, Daddy was actually very calm about it, and merely asked how was i going to deal with it, and so on. Mama, on the other hand, was none too happy about me getting knocked up, and let me know in no uncertain terms speaking fluent Cuss, and telling me that i was a disgrace to the religion and that i had disgraced her, and i remember her slapping the everlovin' shit outta me when i tried to stand up for myself. however, once i gave birth to my firstborn daughter, in February, 1979, she fell in love with my baby, and pretty much spoiled her rotten, even to the point of wanting to take her away from me, because she felt i was an unfit mother, and a slut.what brought that on? well, it was on a Sunday and Mama was raising hell about me, saying that i didnt need to have a child because of whatever, and she called me names like stupid, and i was trying to feed my daughter, while she ranted and raved at me. then she said something that brought the anger that had been brewing in me to a scorching boil...she said she would find a way to take my baby from me, because i wasn't shit, and i was in her eyes, a slut and an unfit mother. why, oh why did she say that? before i knew it, i had jumped up outta my chair and had grabbed a steak knife and told her with every ounce of rage i had that she wasnt taking my child away from me, because i would kill her first. (side note: my dad had moved to South Carolina around 1977, because he and my mother wasnt getting on well with one another)my mother looked at me like i had grown a third eye and told me to put that knife down, and i told her HELL NO. YOU TRY AND TAKE MY BABY, YOU OLD BITCH (yes i said "bitch") AND I WILL KILL YOU!" yeah. i lost it but my anger had reached a very dangerous level, and i couldnt take it no more. i scooped my baby up in my arms and went to my room and slammed the door shut. but i digress. in spite of everything, i loved both my parents, and was deeply hurt when i lost them. i miss both of them very much, and as i said, i'm fighting to stay strong this weekend. i think i can make it.
woops! *slaps forehead - duh!* i'm sorry i neglected to tell you all WHY i was hospitalized. i was in the midst of a regular routine MD visit and i started having chest pain. it felt like a squeezing sensation, and the pain was radiating along my (L) jaw, my neck, and in between my shoulder blades. i had been having this pain off and on for about a week, and whenever it hit me, i would chew an aspirin (81 mgs). my doc felt i should be admitted to rule out an MI (myocardial infarct, otherwise known as a heart attack).not wanting to take any chances, she had me sent to the ER, where they could do an ECG [or EKG] (electrocardiogram) of my heart rhythms. while in the ER labs were drawn (i already knew the drill from having performed both EKG and blood draws while working as a tech on the Telemetry unit), labs being cardiac enzymes, CBC and one other one i cant think of right now. then the nurse put in a heplock (or IV port if you will) and started a sodium chloride drip. then i was taken to Radiology for an X-ray of my chest (both anterior (front) and lateral (side). the stress test results were good, they found no sign of any heart problems, my EKG was normal and my blood labs were normal. i was discharged home with a follow-up visit with my doctor in 3 weeks. i was sent home with an increase in the cholesterol med i take (Lipitor) from 10 mgs to 20 mgs taken every night, and a new script for my BP med, Benicar HCT, which is an ACE inhibitor and diuretic combined, and a script for Levaquin, an antibiotic to clear up a UTI they found in my urinalysis and also a trace of chlamydia (WTF??), which i didnt know i had. i mean, i'm not sexually active (at least with a man), so i was a bit puzzled as to how i got chlamydia and a UTI (urinary tract infection), because i drink a lot of water and cranberry juice every chance i get. oh and i am on an 81 mg aspirin regimen too.so there you have it *smile*
i am sooooooo glad to be home. i was admitted into the hospital yesterday because of chest pain i had started having while at my medical doctor's appointment. my doc took me around to the ER and i had an EKG done and the nurse started an IV on me, and after that, i was admitted to the unit where i used to work, Telemetry. they've moved to a different floor, which is larger, but the good thing is all the rooms are private. once i got to my room, i knew the drill from having to do it many times for new admissions - the nurse assistant took my vitals, brought me an "admission kit" water pitcher, cups, straws, Kleenex, a toothbrush, toothpaste, lotion, soap (what makes these hospitals think that patients can get thoroughly clean with such a little bitty assed bar of soap?), bath oil and a comb, two face cloths, two towels (like those little ass towels are gonna cover my big ass LOL) and a gown, and those little sock "slippers". then i had to fill out the admit form (i was half-asleep when the nurse came in), and then the docs on call came in and asked questions, but thanks to my nursing training and knowledge of medical terminology, i wrote out a detailed narrative of what had been going on with me. the doc was highly impressed with my knowledge and told me my notes were better than his *blushing*also when i was brought into my room, they had a dinner tray waiting and as hungry as i was, i dove right into it. surprisingly, it was good. when i was finished eating, i sat up a while and read a magazine, then laid back on my bed and watched TV until i started getting extremely sleepy. i got up and turned off the lamp, closed my blinds and climbed into bed. no sooner than my head hit the pillow, the doc on night duty came in and was blathering on about the procedures i was to have in the morning, and so on. i nodded sleepily, and turned over and went back to sleep. the sleep interruptions didnt bother me because i knew the night shift had to draw labs and take vitals for change of shift. so when the NA came into my room i stuck my hand out for them to draw the blood and went back to sleep. and they were kind enough to give me some of my bedtime meds, so i was really zonked out.this morning, the attending doc came in to remind me i had to take a stress test, and that the transporter would be in shortly to take me downstairs to Nuclear Medicine. the transporter came, and groggily i sat in the wheelchair with my bed blanket wrapped around me while he took me down. i was glad to have the blanket, because it was like a meat locker in the NucMed room - brrrrrr!anyhoo, the tech had me lie down and place my hands up over my head and secured me to the table, and then the table started moving up to where this huge machine was. the machine was taking pictures of my heart, after being injected with some kind of radiological stuff thru my IV port, and for the most part i dozed. that was the first part of the stress test. the second part i was taken to the echo-stress room, and again, had to lie down while the nurse slapped a number of leads on me and hooked me up to them. then she hung this thallium solution that would place added stress on my heart and that was to see if i had any kind of cardiac damage. that shit was awful. i started feeling like i couldnt breathe, my chest was getting tight, and my arms and legs started hurting something fierce. i couldnt take it, and nearly begged the nurse to please stop the procedure. she did immediately and hung a solution to reverse the effects of the thallium solution, and i immediately felt better. then it was back to the meat locker and again i got another injection of the radiological stuff thru my IV and again the big machine was taking internal X-rays of my heart chambers. when it was finally done, the tech called for the transporter to take me back upstairs to my room, to await the results of the test. when he brought me to my room, i thanked the transporter, and went over to my chair and sat down in it. i hadnt had a cigarette within the last 12 hours, and i was edgy and restless, so i slipped my shoes on and walked up and down the corridor. while walking the hall, i saw my regular doctor who told me that they were awaiting the stress test results and if everything was OK i would be discharged home. i thanked her and continued my constitutional up and down the hallway. then i remembered i had bummed a cigarette from a lady in the waiting room down in the NucMed room, and yes i know it was wrong, and i should have known better, but i needed to get that monkey off my back, so i took some room spray and a towel into the bathroom, closed the door and put the towel against the bottom of the door and lit up. man, i felt myself coming back to life! i smoked half of it and then sprayed the bathroom real good and felt a whole hell of a lot better. by then it was lunchtime, and lunch was actually good. i had meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and three 4 oz cups of apple juice, and two soft chocolate chip cookies - yum.after i'd eaten, again, i snuck in the bathroom and finished off the last of the cigarette, making sure i sprayed the bathroom well and by that time, it was shift change - the 3-11 crew was coming on and it took me back to when i worked that shift, and how i would go sign in, get my assignment and then begin my work. there was a lot of new faces on the unit, especially the nurse assistants. while i was walking the hall, i spoke to them as they were coming on duty. they all were very, very nice, as was the nurse who was taking care of me. well, once the results came in, the nurse told me she was getting my discharge papers ready, and was gonna take out the heplock in my hand, but i'd beaten her to it LOL i was so ready to go. i called my guy friend Al and asked him if he could come get me and take me home, and he said he would, just to let him know when i was ready. once i got the word i was outta there, i called him and told him i'd be downstairs out in the front. i asked him if he could get me a pack of cigs, and he laughed and said no problem. i hung up, washed up quick, fast and in a hurry, and i took my stuff with me and all but raced to the elevators - woo hoo! i was FREE!!!!!!!i sat outside and waited, restlessly pacing, until i saw him and i gratefully got in the back of his van, and we were off. he stopped at a gas station and got my cigs, and i was literally tearing the pack open with my teeth and popped one in my mouth, lit up and was in 7th heaven. i offered him one and he took it, while i was blissfully puffing away. when he got to my house, i told him that i was gonna go upstairs and get this CD by this quartet from the 70s called "New York City" so he could make a copy for himself. i went upstairs and dumped my stuff, grabbed the CD and hurried back downstairs and gave it to him. he told me he was gonna burn himself a copy and give me mine back soon. i thanked him again, and then wearily i trudged back up the stairs, grateful to be home.(side note: i brought my blanket and sheet home with me. i finally got rid of that godawful, raggedy comforter. now my bed looks the way a bed should look *wink*)and on that note, i have taken my bedtime meds, and now i'm gonna take a shower in my own bathroom, and not with no little -ass bar of soap, but my favorite bar of unscented Oil of Olay Sensitive Skin soap. and then i hope to be in my bed...asleep.that's it. i'm out. peace.
