that's about right. i am living in confusion. sometimes i dont know up from down, right from left, this or that. it's real fucked up when one is in that state (you might say a "blue" state...okay, that was a lame attempt at humor and it bombed, sue me)
even though here of late, i've been getting out more, and doing things i need to do and energy to do them (i guess thanks to the iron pills), i still feel like i'm going nowhere fast. i've made some changes; i opened a new bank account with a different bank, i FINALLY stopped talking to the homophobe bitch, and trying to do what i can as far as keeping my family's head above water. that should make me feel good, right?
*sigh* it's like i'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop yanno? to some of y'all, those accomplishments sound great; however, to me it's like i'm on autopilot or something. i dunno...maybe that's a good thing, then again, maybe it's not.
so what is the problem? hell if i know. i just feel confused, discombobulated, like i'm not in my body or some shit like that.
maybe one day i'll figure it out...
6 comments:
I thought red states were the fucked up ones...
I understand that feeling well. Something they've taught us, or at least tried to teach us, in group is that we have to give ourselves credit for the things we do. Even if it's the tiniest thing and it felt like it was done on autopilot, we still got something done.
As for the feeling on autopilot and confused...I'm really beginning to think it's the meds causing that, at least for me.
Take care of you!
Hugs,
Sid
Hon, depression don't make no sense. It comes and goes as it pleases. Which is why you can't connect the dots....there aren't any.
Don't give up, though.
I agree with Sid that we are programmed by our society to feel "less then" because we have severe chem. imbalances and people are scared and critical of us.
So we then internalize those things and beat ourselves up when we are really doing the best and all that we can do. It is important I am finding to do good things for ourselves. Pamper youself at least once a day. Even if it's just eating some chocolate and savouring it!! :) Mmmmm.
That confusion state is odd and scary at times. I deal with it by disassociating from my body as well. Sometimes that's not all bad. It's good I think to detach a bit and spend some time in the soft, peaceful clouds. Just try not to stay too long. ;)
I got your back baby. :x
BIG HUGS AND KISSES!!!
I'm a lazy procrastinator who keeps busy doing usless stuff. If I took time to think, I would probably be totally confused. So I keep busy doing usless stuff. What a life...
Dan: woops! you're right!
Sid: you're right. sometimes i think it's the meds too.
Joel: Truer words have never been spoken!
J-Man: as always, you are right on point! sometimes i dissociate too and just let my mind drift...but i always find my way back. thank you for havin' my back beloved...you know i got yours!
xoxoxoxox
*mmmwah!*
Vince: LOL no kiddin' what a life indeed!
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