well, tomorrow is the 1st of December, and almost the close of another year. it's been one, lemme tell ya. for me, it's been a year of mostly tears. for those of you who actually bother to read my blog, my dad passed away on the 1st of March, and his passing left a huge hole in my heart. the meds i'm on now have literally made me numb emotionally, but there are still times that the tears slip up on me and i cant help but weep.
also, next month on the 12th would have been my mama's 83rd birthday. though mama was hell on wheels at times, i still miss her. but i know that she and Daddy are back together again and they both are forever young and happy and filled with joy and arent suffering from the illnesses that took them away. mama is with Daddy, and all her sisters and brother, and my grandma and grandpa on her side and Daddy is with my grandma and grandpa on his side.
reflecting back on all of this made me think of a song by Aretha Franklin called "Sweet Bitter Love".....
spoken intro: " i talk to you today... we loved each other, for so long, in that special way... and if circumstances... should keep us apart (sung: i just want you to know)
that you...
will remain....
forever....
here..
in my heart.........."
Sweet....
Sweet bitter love
The taste
Still lingers
Though thru my
Helpless fingers
You slipped away, oh, yes you did
Sweet....my sweet bitter love
What joy you taught me
And what pain
You didnt mean to
But you brought me
In so short
Baby, in so short a stay......
My magic
Dreams
Have lost
Their spell....
And where
Where there
Was hope is
Now an
An empty shell.....
Oh sweet
my, my my bitter love
Why have you
Awakened
And then
You'd forsaken
A trusting heart
Like mine....
Oh our magic
Dreams have lost
Their spell
And where
Where there was hope
Oh look at me now
There is
An empty shell....
Oh sweet
My my my, my my
Bitter love,
What you awakened
And then
And then
And then
You had forsaken
A trusting heart...
Like mine....
Oh I love you so
Yes I do
A trusting heart
Like...
Mine.
from the album "Who's Zoomin' Who?"
Music and lyrics by Aretha Franklin (c) 1985, Arista Records.
4 comments:
That's a beautiful song. It seems the older we get, holiday time is full of more & more sadness. At least it seems like that for me. But you've got that cutie pie little baby & oh gosh, what I'd give for a little one to visit here. That must be a nice counterbalance for you right now.
My dad died in 1993 & while I don't cry like I used to, I never have gotten used to him being gone.
My experiences have taught me that dying hurts those left here, not those passing away. (I'm not talking physical pain, of course)
My thoughts are with you & if you ever need an ear, I'm here.
You're a precious person & I'm so glad to be getting to know you.
Love and hugs Mizeeyore, hope you get thru this and be able to enjoy your little one!
How it hurts! And that's perfectly normal.
Just this thought: if your meds are making you numb, then you need a prescription change IMHO. Mastering our disease doesn't mean giving up happiness or sadness: it just means staying functional when we have them.
I hope your psychiatrist will understand that crying will help you feel better. Grief is normal.
I can't even say anything.
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