i think i have finally figured out why i've been sitting around looking like a crash-test dummy before impact. somewhere in this jumbled mass of gray matter my comprehension skills are quietly dwindling away! i just discovered....i'm Forrest Gump's lost black cousin!
OMFG. there used to be a time i had a razor-sharp memory. i could rattle off phone numbers without the use of a telephone book (personal or White Pages), knew how to spell antidisestablishmentari...shit i forgot the rest. i would know exactly where i put something i laid down minutes before and could summarize whatever book i'd read.
now, i'm lucky if i remember where i went the other day, less alone --- oh shit i just lost my thought....somebody please help me find it! duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........
oh *whew* thought lost has found its way back to the one functional brain cell. i'm lucky if i remember what day or date it is, and what i ate (or didnt eat) the night/day before. omg am i getting early Alzheimer's --- that's what eventually took my dad's life. and he was far from being stupid. he was one of the most intelligent and brilliant men on the planet to me.
i think these meds must have an effect on cognitive comprehension. in fact, i'm sure of it. ever since i have been on Sugarquel, errrr, Seroquel, i have been having trouble remembering stuff. it's like my mind is on auto-delete or some shit, cuz if i dont write down what is on my mind here, it's like my mind crashes like a virus-infected computer and all data is lost. i shit you not. good God, i'm even having trouble trying to piece this post together where it makes sense. i know i'm getting up there age-wise, hell, i'm only 46 (i think, yeah i'm 46), but this slow loss of memory is wiggin me out big time. i hope i still remember how to tie my shoes and not have to resort to wearing shoes with Velcro strips...or worse wearing clothes with Velcro strips!!!
as i have said i do have my moments of lucidity and clarity, but they are coming far and few in between. these lapses in memory are making me a candidate for the short yellow bus. at times i cant even concentrate or focus on what i'm typing because i'll space out and sit there like i've smoked a rolled up newspaper full of chronic.....this is ungood....
i sometimes forget to eat....or do i? i remember one time i was walking home and i felt like i was lost, that i had took the wrong way because i had spaced out while walking.
Houston, we have a problem................
8 comments:
Hi, I hope you can catch this HUG I'm tossing your way. It's a big one...
I know how you feel!!!
I was on Seroquel for a very short while and I went off of it because it turned me into Forest Gump's sister.
I think any medication that messes with the chemicals in your brain - has a tendency to kill your memory.
Today I had to go to the grocery store with my husband and he told me I should have made a list of what I needed - because he knew I'd forget what to get.
Stupid me ->> FoRgOt to even make the list!!! DuH!
There's no hope for me, I swear.
But your writing is so articulate that I don't think you have much to worry about.
It's when you can't remember WoRdS -- that you ReAlLy HaVe to WoRrY! hahaha. (been there, done that!)
You're one up on me, I can never remember how old I am without breaking out the calculator! I do think the meds have a negative impact on comprehension. Seems like we have to decide which is the lessor of two evils, forgetting everything, or being suicidal.
Take care,
Sid
A couple of thoughts...I relate to what you said....tonight I had to leave work thankfully I realized that before I started because I was so depressed and also so fricking forgetful....I tried lowering my meds and the s.i.'s kicked in big time........I am o.k. and keeping myself safe.
I think we should start a club for Forrest Gump's relatives. As for early onset Alzheimers, can you get it in your 30s too? My mind is going to mush. It's driving me crazy. Oh, hang on ... I forgot. I'm already there. Bugger!
OMG - I thought it was just me. Wait, what?
I wonder what our IM's look like to an outsider, hehe.
Princess
PS: Vince, it's so nice of you to come and hang out with us crazies, you're such a comfort ((Vince))
BP and everyone--I feel we're all in the same boat really--Sometimes we all just get too busy paddling and don't pause enough to enjoy and share each others company.
And things that really matter are expressed from the heart as things really are, and without the superficial armor. Something I have not seen until I discovered blogs like this one. We are all wrapped in darkness, so I always try to look for the twinkling star. And I see one here, the talented author of this blog.
thanks to all who have left posts here...i really really -- really really appreciate it from the depths of my heart (and what mind i actually have left lol)!
vince, you are a sweetheart -- thanks so much for the hugs!
colleen: you are one cool lady and i appreciate your postings and btw i LOVE your blog! thanks for adding my blogs to yours *big cheesy grin*
sid: hey Chi-town homegirl, thanks for the post. hope the new job works out for you (((((sid))))
mosaic: big ups to you too! thanks for posting. i'm gonna add your blog to my site too!
disso: hang in there babe!
princess: you are a doll.
vince: awwwwwwwwwww ty sweety. your compliments are heartfelt.
j: damn the meds indeed! they suck the big long one!
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