increased meds....*sigh*

*sigh*. well, i'm on an increased dosage of Sugarque......errrrr, Seroquel at night. i'm on 400mgs, 50mg in the evening, and 50mg in the morning i take along with 150mg Zoloft and .5 mgs Klonopin. oh yeah, i take 15mg Klonopin along with the 400mgs Seroquel at night. since i had told the pdoc about the hallucinations, voices, dissociation and shit, plus add in i wasnt sleeping like i should, i knew a med increase was coming. i will say tho, since i've been taking the titered (increased) dosages, the voices have disappeared and i'm not spacing out as bad as i was. the only thing i hate is that them half-doses of Seroquel make me extremely sleepy in the middle of the day, and sometimes i wind up napping. but when i take the heavy duty doses of Seroquel and Klonopin, i'm walking around like a drunken mummy *lol* and i know ok, before i fall my ass down on the floor, lemme get to my bed right away. last night i was trying hard to stay up and write an entry on this blog, but the room started looking blurry and i was talking like a drunk, so i staggered to my bed (or should i say i fell in my bed) and it wasnt too long before i was out like a pole-axed mule. so for now the psychotic symptoms of my depression have quieted down a bit....i just hate having CRS tho---yesterday i had NO idea what day it was. i had to go loook at my calendar to see what day and date it was.

oh well. as i said, i'm feeling a lot better. that's what counts, right? sure, i'll be eating a bag of sugar, and wolfing down cookies and shit like that, but hey! no more voices, no more hallucinations or paranoia!

pfft. lemme keep it real. this shit is keeping my black ass from being voluntarily committed to the state cuckoo's nest, cause that's exactly where i was headed. my pdoc did the threat of committment to scare my ass (boy did he ever!) into making an effort to keep sane and get out of the house more. at first i thought he was being overly mean, but now i see it (thanks to my friend V, who figured out why my pdoc was talking about putting me in the hospital) as a means for me to get back on the road to wellness, because i tend to be kinda stubborn and deliberately shut myself down because i dont wanna deal with shit that has upset me, and i zone out to "escape" in my mind to keep from dealing with it. ha. he's a crafty guy, but a damn good doctor and i wouldnt trade him for a million dollas--him and my therapist.

well i know this has to be as boring as longwinded "motivational" speaker's lecture, so i'm out for now. peace.