good morning/evening/night wherever you are reading this from. well, today seems like its much better than yesterday when i was in the "Twilight Zone". first off, i called my T to set up an appointment for this week; unfortunately he was booked all this week, but he did tell me to pick a day next week, which i did. so Tuesday the 15th i will see him and try to unload all of this shit that's been backing up in my head. then i called the phone company and asked them to add their 'call screening' feature to my service because there were certain people i didnt want to talk to -- so that went well. then i got a call from this fucked up 'managed care' group called 'Amerigroup' telling me that i am officially disenrolled from them and that my Medicaid card from public aid for September will be just straight Medicaid. *woo hoo thank you Jesus!*
i dont know what made me sign up with those idiots in the first place. i guess because they seemed to offer more than Medicaid did in terms of no co-pays for certain meds (altho Medicaid usually asks for a $3 co-pay, which is doable) which is about the only thing i will miss about them. other than that, i could give less than a rat's ass about them muthafuckas. at least now i can go to my T sessions next month and not have to worry about whether or not it will be covered. i hope and pray that i dont get a fucking bill from my last session with my pdoc or for my upcoming session with my T. that's all i need right now -- another fucking bill.
anyways, i think i will get my ass in the bathtub today to wash away two weeks worth of funk and also wash my hair and maybe do some small tasks around this house. i kinda clued in to what was making me feel so blah....i had been talking with my ex a lot lately and all she had to offer was drama and more drama from her dysfunctional family, and i just didnt wanna hear it no more. i sent an email saying that i'm not in the best of moods and that i wont be calling and ask that she not call me. then i blocked both of her email addys so she couldnt respond and next i will remove her numbers from my cell phone. i have made up my mind that you cant be friends with ex'es...at least i cant, because all it does is trigger residual feelings and i dont wanna be a part of that shit no more. so this time, i aint gonna look back. what used to be aint no more and it's time to completely close and lock the door on that part of my past. God knows i dont need the drama. i was doing fine when i wasnt talking to her, and i noticed since i had been, it was pulling me back to the dark hole again, and i aint tryin to go back to that fucked-up place no more. aint nobody worth that kind of shit, and i for one, know good and hell well i do not need to hear nobody's drama when i'm still struggling to keep what little sanity i got left. so FUCK IT
(lol).
now i'm just praying to God that i can make myself get outta this house and go back to doing my volunteer work -- even if its only a day a week. at least when i volunteer at the hospital they give us a $5 lunch voucher, so i aint gotta pay nuttin outta my pocket. which is more than i can say about the museum, altho i do like being around the artistic atmosphere. but i'mma be takin baby steps...aint gonna try to do everything all at once. i'mma take my time -- hell that i got plenty of as it is (lol).
so -- we shall see how it goes. i'm out. peace.
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