BitchFest 2006 - yeah you read it right

when i first decided to blog, i really didnt know what to say...so i talked about my journey thru mental illness and stuff like that. perhaps i should have stayed the course and just kept talking about it and not talk about other things, because i guess to some readers i sound too "normal," like there really isnt anything wrong with me, and perhaps i just blog to keep people entertained. WRONG.

i blog about my illness, the way i feel from day to day, and also about the good things that happen, even if for only a moment. i write from my heart and my soul. but perhaps i should just go back to writing about my illnesses and so on, then maybe this missive would be more interesting. i had even thought about just deleting the damn thing completely because perhaps i wasnt coming across as "crazy" enough or have enough "drama" to make this thing readable and before i go on let me preface this with another disclaimer: TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DO CARE TO READ MY BLOG, I THANK YOU AND THIS POST IS NOT DIRECTED AT YOU.

perhaps i shouldnt have posted about Kwanzaa, even though i made a disclaimer that it wasnt a religious holiday, nor was i trying to "shove it down anyone's throat". perhaps i'm a hypocrite because i passed judgement on a person who judged me, and maybe that person is right. now i'm back to wanting to shut this muthafucka down because i guess i'm not "sticking to the subject". perhaps i'm just a lame-ass who should keep my blog "dark" and "gloomy" so that it will be palatable to those who happen by this blog. i can do dark and gloomy.

perhaps i'm just in a really shitty, pissy and fucked-up mood right now and i need to vent, bitch, piss and moan and have some cheese with my whine, to show y'all a side of me that aint pretty, loving, witty, fun, sweet and all that other lame nonsense. perhaps i'm just a bitter, mean, fat-assed, premenopausal, worn-out old cow-bitch who is having a pissy moment and want to share it with the rest of y'all. i hope you are enjoyin' the show. next mood swing in...RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

perhaps i wanna go down to the fuckin aid office and go totally ballistic because they have been fucking me around with my goddam food stamps which is making me spend money i really dont fucking have right now because of their screw-up. perhaps if i go in there yelling at the top of my lungs, the rent-a-cop will summon Chicago's-Not-So-Finest to whisk me away to the nearest nut ward because i completely lost it on a bitch who looked at me the fuckin wrong way and i hauled off and started monkey stompin' her ugly ass and then commenced to whuppin her ass like a runaway slave with my cane. perhaps then maybe things would get fucking done.

perhaps i wanna hurl shit around my house upside the fuckin' wall and scream at the top of my lungs because this shit that is weighin' heavy on me is fuckin with my understanding and if i were to go amongst people today it would be VERY DANGEROUS TERRITORY - when provoked i might kill you, or attempt to do so. psychotic? maybe. evil? HELL YEAH. mean? DEFINITELY. moody? um, DUH! mad enuf to wanna poke somebody's eyes out with a hot poker? DONT FUCKIN' TEMPT ME GODDAM IT! see, i guess this is the shit that draws readers...this psychotic, "dark" shit. i mean hell nobody wants to always read about happy happy joy joy all the goddam time right? oh nooooooooo. no no no no no. so i think i may just change the name of this muthafucka to "BitchFest 2006". catchy title? no? oh well fuck it then.

perhaps i wanna just wanna give somebody the "Ike-Turner-Slap-A-Bitch-And-Put-Some-Stank-On-It" treatment on somebody's face for no particular reason or maybe because people generally annoy me and some form of violent behavior is called for. and VIOLENT is how i feel right now. blame it on being fucking pre-menopausal, on hormones, or whatdafuckever, i give less than a happy damn. i know y'all thinking, "damn has she taken her meds today?" YES I HAVE TAKEN MY FUCKING MEDS, a'ight? am i hearing voices right now? yeah. they are telling me to write out all this shit because i cant go out and just randomly shoot somebody -- altho i could play my "i-forgot-to-take-my-meds" card and get off on an insanity plea. so perhaps it's a good thing there are no firearms in my house, otherwise, there would be casualties in the streets today. should i call my pdoc and tell him that i'm thinking about going on a rampage and strangling people at will? no, because then he will say "you need to go to the ER right away." so i aint sayin shit til i see him for my appointment. perhaps by then the RAGE will have subsided and i'm back in that so-called "happy place." YEAH RIGHT.

and now i end this missive with a big ole "FUCK YOU" to the world because that's how i feel right now and i dont give a flying fuck who knows it.

and wouldntcha know, Michael Jackson's "DANGEROUS" was just playing on my Windows Media Player.......



a word of warning: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE LOONY...MAY BITE IF PROVOKED.....