Thursday, December 22, 2005

dark days

i was sitting here (as is my usual habit) at this computer and thinking back to the dark days when i was psychotic to the point my pdoc was gonna put me in the hospital. i also remember dark days when i had no money coming in and no food, save for 2 cans of cat food. i remember my youngest and i were so hungry that we wound up eating the cat food. my daughter didnt know it was cat food and i just couldnt bring myself to tell her, but we ate it (it was chicken chunks in gravy, and i dressed it up as best as i could with my own seasonings) and then the next day, of all people, Ms Homophobe helped me out with food from her own cupboard, which, despite our differences, was a blessing to me, and i cannot ever forget that. then she told me about food pantries in my neighborhood, and swallowing my shattered pride, i went to one of the churches in the neighborhood and they gave me a big bag of groceries -- with meat too, and i nearly cried with joy because at least we were gonna eat good that night. this was when my food stamps had been cut down to $10.00, and i was desperate.

i am thankful that some of those dark days are behind me. i'm not completely out of the woods, but i'm taking one step at a time and trying not to get overstressed in the process. i am learning that life will throw some curve balls at you, but you gotta be determined to not get knocked down and stay down, otherwise you'll get used to it and never escape from it.

i thank all of you who have posted comments or just stopped by this blog. your presence is very comforting during times like these, and i appreciate each and every one of you. if i missed someone, please forgive me, it was not intentional. just wanted to tell all of you -- THANK YOU.

7 comments:

mizeeyore said...

Squid: LOL Happy Kwanzaa to you too my friend *smile*

Joel said...

You are welcome!

And just to make Bill O'Reilly mad....HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Keep on bloggin'

Nicole said...

We love you Miz E!!!

dan said...

Damn it woman... You made me weepy.

We love you too.

Marie said...

I love ya girlfriend! Thank you for sharing that with us. I am glad you consider us friends. Remember we are always here when you need us!

jane said...

That's absolutely right Mizeeyore, it isn't how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up. Over time, getting back up gets tiring too & I think that's when we learn that if we don't have to fall down, stay up.
I've fallen down more than my share of times & like Dennis Rodman's new books says, "I should be dead by now." I gotta read that!

I'm glad things are looking better. I think blogging is very theraputic for a lot of us. I am very grateful we've come across each other's blogs.
Happy Festivus to the Rest of Us!

mizeeyore said...

Joel: LOL thank you and Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Princess: awww, *blushing* you are very sweet. thank you!

Dan: awww, you are such a sweet guy -- and a hottie too *wink*

Marie: thank you babe. i'm here for you too!

Jane: i'm grateful as well. you are a very kind and wonderful person! Season's Greetings and Happy New Year!