dark days

i was sitting here (as is my usual habit) at this computer and thinking back to the dark days when i was psychotic to the point my pdoc was gonna put me in the hospital. i also remember dark days when i had no money coming in and no food, save for 2 cans of cat food. i remember my youngest and i were so hungry that we wound up eating the cat food. my daughter didnt know it was cat food and i just couldnt bring myself to tell her, but we ate it (it was chicken chunks in gravy, and i dressed it up as best as i could with my own seasonings) and then the next day, of all people, Ms Homophobe helped me out with food from her own cupboard, which, despite our differences, was a blessing to me, and i cannot ever forget that. then she told me about food pantries in my neighborhood, and swallowing my shattered pride, i went to one of the churches in the neighborhood and they gave me a big bag of groceries -- with meat too, and i nearly cried with joy because at least we were gonna eat good that night. this was when my food stamps had been cut down to $10.00, and i was desperate.

i am thankful that some of those dark days are behind me. i'm not completely out of the woods, but i'm taking one step at a time and trying not to get overstressed in the process. i am learning that life will throw some curve balls at you, but you gotta be determined to not get knocked down and stay down, otherwise you'll get used to it and never escape from it.

i thank all of you who have posted comments or just stopped by this blog. your presence is very comforting during times like these, and i appreciate each and every one of you. if i missed someone, please forgive me, it was not intentional. just wanted to tell all of you -- THANK YOU.