the letter to Ms. Homophobe

this is the letter i wrote to Ms. Homophobe. a part of me feels i should send it, and yet another part of me feels i shouldnt. anyways, here goes:

12/12/05
11:06 pm

Dear________

i received your lovely card today. thank you very much, it is much appreciated.

i have some things that i need to get off my chest, because it has been bothering me ever since that final conversation we had.

before i go into what i have to say, let me just say that i appreciate everything you did for me. i consider you a blessing from the Creator and i hope and pray that you be successful in whatever you choose to do in your life.

now. the things i want to get off my chest, i say not in anger, but then again, there may be some anger mixed in with hurt, and i am being brutally honest as i can be here.

first off i respect your decision to not having nothing to do with me because of my sexual preferences, because you feel that it is wrong and it conflicts with your spirituality, and you don't want to be "influenced" by it. okay. question--how would it influence you? after the incident that transpired between us, i have let it go and mentally filed it under "mistakes that should NEVER have happened in the first place." i'm DONE with it, ok? DONE. as far as i'm concerned it never happened. so what, you felt like remaining friends with me, that i would step to you like that again? NO MA'AM. i respect your position and would NEVER overstep my bounds like that towards you EVER AGAIN.

yet, you still have issue with that. why? were you perhaps afraid that you might would have started liking it, which threw you back into even more paranoia and homophobia? sorry, but i'm callin' it like i see it.

another thing: does it not say in the bible "judge not, lest ye be judged"? you say you felt "stigmatized" when ______ learned that you were bipolar and he went totally apeshit about it. well, how do you think I feel? it's enough to be judged about my sexual preferences, not to mention being judged of having a mental illness too, so i bear a DOUBLE stigma, ok?

understand this: you CANT "catch" homosexuality/bisexuality like you catch a cold or the flu. it's about CHOICE. the same CHOICE that str8 people make when seeking a mate or significant other. because i CHOOSE to be with someone of the same gender, is just that -- CHOICE, and that to me should not be the deciding factor in friendship. if that's the case, then once you told me you had borderline personality, i could have just cut it off just like that. but i didnt. i accepted you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, even went so far as to go online and learn more about it, rather than make a blanket decision that "i can't be friends with her." no. i educated myself so that i wouldnt be another _____who had no clue about it.

another thing, when ____went off on you about your bipolar illness, you CHOSE not to put him in check, and as a result, he had ammunition to attack your character and your self-worth as a woman. you fell for him for the wrong reasons, but the truth of the matter is that you were lonely, and wanted and needed to be loved. sistagirl, you can blame it on "the devil", "mania" or "borderline" but when it gets down to the real nitty gritty, let's call a spade a spade--you made those choices, ok? and, like most of us sistas, who want love and acceptance, sometimes we make poor CHOICES when trying to make a connection with a man.

truth be told, if a nice-looking brother were to step to you, i dont think you 'd turn him down, and if there is chemistry between y'all, y'all would get the "swerve" on. you are HUMAN, V, okay? yet you still trippin about what we did, and somehow i feel like i'm under attack for that. please sistagirl, LET IT GO, ok? IT WAS A MISTAKE THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. PERIOD.

you were hurt that ____couldnt accept you with your illness and even more hurt when he went ballistic on your female pride. well, how do you think i feel? you ended our friendship because you dont want to be "influenced" by MY sexual choice? how the hell could i "influence" you? did i ever ask you to go with me to a gay club/event? NO!!!! hell, I DONT EVEN GO TO THOSE PLACES because again, i CHOOSE not to, ok? so please tell me how my bisexuality would allegedly "influence" you, or, is that just a smokescreen that you've put up because maybe there's a teeny tiny part of you that is still curious about it, but you want to go and hide behind your church to keep those feelings from resurfacing?

one other thing--how would your pastor know if there were any gay/bi/lesbian members in
y'alls church?what, does he go around asking any of the members if they are gay, bi, or lesbian? and do you honestly think they would tell him? hell no, because more than likely they'd probably be kicked out just because of that. unless those members were wearing something, like, say jewelry with the Rainbow colors to show who they were, your pastor dont know who is what up in there. so how can HE tell you who to befriend and who not to befriend? this makes me think of a passage in the bible that speaks of a woman who was a prostitute, and she was being pelted with stones, ostracized and condemned until Jesus said to them "let ye who is without sin cast the first stone," and they couldnt do it.

in my conclusion, let me say this: the God that i love shines His Light on EVERYBODY--the rich, the poor, the saint and the sinner, the just as well as the unjust. the God i love has UNCONDITIONAL love for ALL His Children and as far as i know, He doesnt discriminate. yes His punishment is swift and sure, but at the same time He is Oft-Forgiving and most Merciful. i aint gotta be a member of nobody's church or Mosque to show Him that i love Him, for He looks at our intentions and our hearts. He aint interested in what Sister So-and-So wore to church/mosque that Sunday, or who is putting the most $$$$ in the collection plate or who looks better than this person or that person; unfortunately it is MANKIND who is guilty of trying to be God. since you read your bible, you should read Exodus 20, v.4&5 that says something to the effect that "no man should be put before Me, for i am a jealous God."

if MANKIND would only stop trying to play God and having people looking at him instead of to the Creator, maybe this world will finally become a much more peaceful place. MANKIND needs to sit his ass down somewhere and get out of His Way and let Him handle things.

anyway, i've said what i've had to say. if what i have said here sounded like an attack towards you, please be assured IT IS NOT, nor was it ever intended to be, and again, i apologize if the tone of this letter came across as angry, well to a degree i was. so if you choose to block my number from your phone, so be it, because i am going to do the same likewise.

may God bless you on your "spiritual journey" to enlightenment and understanding. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

peace be unto you
genelle

so there it is. should i go on and send it, or should i let it go? all feedback would be appreciated.