i'm done. for real this time. i mean it....I.AM.DONE. Ms Homophobe talked to her minister who advised her that "if she (meaning me) is trying to change her (my) life from the lifestyle i am and wants to get closer to God, then it's ok. but since she (me) is not trying to build a relationship with God, then you (her) should not let her (me) have any influence on you (her)."
y'kno, i dont know whether to be angry or hurt. fuck that. I.AM.PISSED. yeah, i know i should have just let it go and not bothered to still be her fuckin' friend. just because we had a intimate encounter THAT WASNT ABOUT SHIT ANYWAY, she's still trippin' about it. so, because that happened, does she think that THAT was "influencing" her? WTF? i have long forgotten about it and have filed it under "stupid shit that should never have happened." so why is she still trippin about that? as i sit here writing this shit out, the more pissed i'm getting, and i'm tempted to call that heffa back and leave her a very NASTY message, but, i'm not. like a damn fool i left her a "nice" message and still extended the branch of friendship. I AM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!!!!!
for months on end i listened patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) to her whine, piss, bitch and moan about "men aint about shit these days" and then the snot-slinging about "why would he do me like that?" ad nauseam. i listened. then she would say sometimes that "she didnt feel i was supportive enough of her because i didnt say much and she did all the talking." yet, i still listened. listened until my fucking eardrums were ready to bust. i listened.
no disrespect to those of you who suffer from borderline personality, but this woman literally drained me dry. i'm sorry, but i have to be brutally honest here and if i have offended anyone who suffers from BPD, i duly apologize. but this blog is my outlet to let it out, and i had to get this out of my system.
the constant "overanalyzing" of trivial shit, the constant suspicion, the drama, oh LAWD the DRAMA! i'm sorry, and i mean no harm when i say this, but i can see why a lot of folks who suffer from BPD cant maintain friendships or relationships. and my heart goes out to you -- it must be exhausting to have to "overthink" things and always keeping your guards up because you have trust issues. i feel for you all, i truly do. i can only imagine the constant inner anguish you all feel all the time, the emotional rollercoasters, the self-destructive things you constantly battle with internally. i have issues too, God knows i do...but it was beginning to make me feel like i was constantly walking on eggshells. a lot of the time i was afraid to say the wrong thing because i didnt want what i said misconstrued and picked apart. yet it happened anyway.
*sigh*....like i said...i'm done. FOR REAL.
4 comments:
Marie: that's the same thing i was thinking too! i think she secretly enjoyed it and it scared her when she responded and instead of her realizing that she liked it, she hides behind "religion" to keep herself in denial. Thanks!
Squid: LOL. i've already got that covered! *wink*
Jane: i agree!
Maggs: as i said in this post my heart goes out to you. i hope the therapy will be helpful to ya
Hugs
(((((((((((((Maggs))))))))))))))))
miz e
I have had a lot of problems with people who attend that variety of church, mize, not just because of their homophobia, but also because of their misogyny.
Some of the people who had the worst problems in partial were those who had clutched Jesus by the calves and declared themselves saved. One such woman told me that Jesus always helped her through such bad times. When I asked her about her hospitalizations, she said "Five times in the last three years."
I've seen such women go off their meds and wonder why they are back. They allow their husbands to abuse them and push them to the edge repeatedly. I have seen champions of Christ leave their wives after they discovered that they suffered from mental illness.
I'm pretty sick of that version of Christ because he's not the fellow that I met in the gospels, you know?
Nevertheless, the people in partial kept saying that having a "spiritual life" was helpful in recovery. I think that needs more definition, but most programs are too gutless to say that.
Joel: Truer words have never been spoken. Amen, brother.
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