happy birthday to my Capricorn brotha

today is my Capricorn homey Al's b-day. he's 45 today. he has issues about getting older. lemme 'splain.....

<-----this is the birthday boy. now y'all see why i was sprung on his ass for nearly ten years? look at them big brown bedroom eyes...


you see, he was a well-known radio jock on one of the popular hip-hop/r&b stations and he did this overnite show called "Whispers In The Dark." he has the perfect baritone voice for it, very deep and very sexy. women would call in all the time just to hear his voice (hell that's what hooked me, but that's for another story), while he played all the "slow jams". he also is a big ole freak, and would have chicks coming (literally) down to the station and he'd bone 'em right there in the studio. yet looking at him, you wouldnt think he was a wild man...but yep. he would get buckdafuck wild. TRUST ME. I KNOW. i remember we had a birthday party together at this spot 'round my way. we decided to do a "theme" and what we decided on was "Bonnie & Clyde"-- he dressed in a sharp black and white pin-striped suit with the brim and all, and i wore a rather tight black and white pinstriped double breasted dress, black lace bra and garterbelt and "fuck me" heels. well, for this party the folks who helped organize it got strippers for both of us...a girl for him and a guy for me (i was kinda salty they didnt get BOTH for me, but it's all good). nnnnnnnnn-eways, we both got a bit grunk (ok fine, drunk, a'ight?) and you know when you start drinking, inhibitions are tossed to the wind.

ok. when the female stripper came out (damn she was sexy as hell, errr, oh sorry), well ole boy was already fired up, and she started dancing on his lap at first, then she whipped out her boobs
and he started suckin' on 'em. yes. you read that right. HE.SUCKED.HER TITS. then she got down on the floor and started wigglin' her ass and such (whew, is it hot in here?), and then the next thing i knew, my boy had dropped to the floor and was eatin' her pussy. IN. FRONT. OF. EVERYBODY. i shit you not. i mean, that mofo was tearin' up that girls cooch! i got jealous cuz i wanted a shot at it too, but alas, it was not meant to be, dammit. oh well.

alrighty then. my stripper came out, and LAWD! that man was PHY-YI-YINNNNE and hung like a horse. he started bumpin' and grindin' on my lap, which got my juices flowin' and since i was about ready to hump whatever, when he came up on me, i whipped my 44DDs outta my bra and started rubbin 'em over his smooth bald head. yeah. i did it. the men in the crowd went wild and was sayin shit like, "hey, can i be next?" i was close to tellin my stripper to whip his dick out and i woulda titty-fucked him right there, but i didnt. so yeah. both of us got buck-fuckin-wild that night. he still teases me about whippin out mah "girls" on that sexy baldheaded man's head LOL.

ok. back to the story....well, The Powers That Be at the station fired him, because he wouldnt take another time slot, when actually, me thinks he got cold-busted in mid-stroke with one of the hoochies by another jock, who just happened to be female. nnnnnnnnnnnn-eway, homey got quite upset about it, and bitched about it on his last show. in a sense, he's kinda like a Black Howard Stern...whatever comes out, hey it is what it is.

well, ole boy had an interview down in the A-T-L for a spot on their hip-hop/r&b station, and was all psyched about it. okay then. ole boy went to Atlanta for the interview, and was told, "we'll call you." that right there was a sure sign he wasnt gonna get the gig. and, he didnt. homey dropped into a deep depression and had to take Zoloft to keep himself from totally going off the deep end. he took it for a while, but when he realized that Zoloft tends to zap the sex drive, he quit taking it. after all, he was quite the ladies' man *cough* and sex to him, was more important than breathing.

alrighty then. a couple of years passed, and he wound up doing a dusties (our Chi-town term for "oldies") show on a city college radio station. he wasnt getting paid for that, but i spose the faculty head thought he could give him a shot at being a teacher, in Radio Communications, of course.

now. i have known this cat since 1993. i even slipped, tripped and fell in love with him. we had mind-blowing sex, and yes, he is both blessed down below, and gifted with his tongue. i carried a torch for this cat from '93 to 2003, when i finally decided to accept that he wasnt feelin me the way i was feelin him. he has/had a girlfriend, but those two are like oil and water....they just dont mix well nor do they play well with each other.

now that he's entered middle age, he is not taking it well at all. like a spoiled brat, he wants his "glory days" back where he was a freak-of-the-week-sex-machine. ole boy has to take Viagra, which REALLY fucked up his understanding, hypertension meds and uh....nah, i wont go there. WAY too much information.

he works at Radio Shack now, and oh good gawd, you'd think somebody hauled off and bitch-slapped him -- god knows i was tempted -- he is HIGHLY pissed off to high pissivity about having to work there. when i saw him last, of course he was bitching about it, and i merely told him to just shut up, be glad you got a job at least and quitchabitchin'. *sigh*

then i mentioned that i liked the way he had his hair cut, and that the salt & pepper sprinkled thru his hair made him look "distinguished" oh gawd. what did i say that for? like a two-year old throwing a tantrum, he bellowed "DISTINGUISHED? I DONT WANNA LOOK DISTINGUISHED! I LOOK LIKE AN OLD MAN!" and wah wah wah wah. i said to him, uh, you want some cheese with that WHINE? dude....get over it. age happens. hushdefuck up. you dont hear me bitching about gettin older, and i got two years on you - muthafucka, i'll be 47 my next birthday, a'ight? so shut up and thank god you still can get up and move every day.

well, he still fussed and whined, and i just threw my hands up and said, "whatever"

so homey, it's your 45th year on this planet, and since y'all teased me about bein "an old, beat-up, warped, faded label 45" on my 45th b-day, well playa, it's your turn LOL

Happy birthday, dawg... i'll see you at your party tonite.